Monday - August 16, 2010

I'm 45, soon to be 46. I have three young children, ages 10, 7, 2. My wife is currently 6 weeks pregnant. Last week she had an ultrasound and we saw the tiny heart beating in something the size of a grain of rice. We hope in the midst of fear, especially since she had a miscarriage in January. This one, however, seems to be coming along just fine.

By the time this baby arrives, in March or April of next year, I will be 46 and a half. My wife will be 40. It is impossible, for me at any rate, not to have the awareness of my own mortality driven home by this. I have so much less time to spend with my children than many parents, which makes the time I do have with them so much more valuable and precious. I have to make sure to pack as much living into the next 30 or 40 years (see, I'm an optimist) as possible. But I'm happy to have been gifted with young children in my 40s, since I'm sure that I'm better at this parenting thing at 40 than I would have been at 30. I'm also very excited at the prospect of a baby this spring.

I'm back to work this week after a week of vacation. The kids are at their desk doing their school work. We all work at home. We do end up spending a lot of time together.

Janine's mom is in physical rehab this week. Not going well. She has alzheimer's, Parkinson's, blood pressure issues. The disease has progressed very quickly over the past 8 months. Her sister Terri has been spending the nights so far, giving her dad a break. Janine is planning on spending tomorrow night.

Owen and Emily have started school work in earnest this week, after a slow summer to give them a sense of time off like the schooled kids. Right now they're working with maps and geography. Roby is asleep.

Last night I started doing yoga. I need both physical and mental centering, focusing, more presence of mind, more living in the moment. I also just need to push myself in the direction of health. Better eating, more exercise, more consistent rest, etc. I'm on the cusp in terms of my age and health, so now is the time to improve.